Thursday, February 24, 2005

Judgement Week/March Madness Preview

Being "Judgement Week", I figured I would take this time to share my thoughts on the college basketball season thus far and the outlook going into 7UP Championship Week and of course the Tournament. You should accept my word as the truth as I routinely prognosticate winning brackets and understand who to bet on and against in a very tried and true method. Here are seven things to watch for over the next month:

-The Big East is the most competitive league in the country. Although the ACC has had its share of upsets and competition this year, it still is essentially dominated by UNC, Wake, and Duke (I will mention Maryland's impressive sweep of the Devils and not their losses to Miami and Clemson). But the Big East is competitive SEVEN teams deep. I tried writing it out last night like a "six degrees of seperation" in terms of which teams have beaten others, but there is no discernible pattern. BC beats Syracuse and UConn, but loses to Notre Dame and Nova, which Syracuse and UConn both manhandled. Pitt sweeps Cuse, but loses to West Virginia and Georgetown. UConn beats Syracuse and Georgetown but loses to Notre Dame and Pitt. Make no mistake, there is no clear cut favorite to win the Big East Title on the neutral court of MSG in 2 weeks.

-That being said, BC, while a competitive team, is a joke when looking towards the tourney. Yes they beat Syracuse, but it was by 5 points on their home court! And great student section for rushing the court after beating a lower ranked team. Talk about faithful fans. I'll peg them as the University of Pittsburgh Memorial Trophy winners for their Big East regular season title, but annual Sweet 16 Tourney collapse.

-Illinois will not make it past the Elite 8. Considering the draw they will have- first rounds in Indianapolis, Sweet 16 and 8 in Chicago, and the Final 4 in St. Louis, this could be a very risky prediction on my part. Remember Syracuse's trip through their bracket in 2003 went through Boston and Albany, with essentially home crowds. Maybe I just proved myself wrong, however, I see them as this year's Stanford. Michigan State, however, could be the ultimate sleeper. Tom Izzo's teams are extremely dangerous no matter their seeding in the tournament.

-Kentucky is the most fraudulent team year in and year out. Their poll ranking is inflated every year because they march through the watered down SEC in conference play. Remember their number 1 seed last year and yours truly having them losing in the second round to Washington. "You remember I said that, Dildo."

-Also never bet on Cincinnati (annual 5 seed upset, never covers spread), Florida, and any Bob Knight coached team. You'll win far more than you'll lose on this one. Trust me.

-Jay Bilas has gone from my least favorite commentator to my all time favorite due to his love for Cuse this year, even when they go on losing streaks.

-Depending on the seeding, here are my preliminary Final Four to advance in the Tourney:

UNC- most dominant team I have seen in College Basketball this year.
Oklahoma State- Too much experience with last year's squad; JamesOn Curry could be the difference.
Wake Forest- Their backcourt is the best in college basketball. Paul and Gray can take over any game.
Michigan State- As mentioned, never count out an Izzo team. Have the inside/outside threat with Davis and Hill.

but look out for:
Kansas- so many weapons if they can bounce back.
Connecticut- Villanueva looking like the star they thought he would be.
Arizona- Lute Olsen's team always ripe for a run. Salim can shoot them far.
Duke- Shelden Williams is the most underrated player in the country.

I am getting saturated just by writing the most rambling post in a while.

Friday, February 18, 2005

I Can't Get a Break

The Sports Guy has officially chosen his 25 finalists for his intern contest and I, depressingly, was not included. Normally I would not have a problem with it as there were 4500 entries and there are bound to be funnier, wittier writers out there, however, judging by the “winning” entries, I find that not to be the case. I am counting on the fact that I was at least in his top 100 that he speaks of because while there may be 5 or 6 finalists better than my own essay, there are not 90 others. For your reading pleasure, here is my entry for the contest, within the requisite 400 word parameters.

I am 25. I am retired. Retired being the most appealing synonym for gainfully unemployed. In my retirement, I have essentially been carrying out the duties of the intern position for the past 3 months without the glamourous title. I search the internet for the latest news on the cast of Laguna Beach instead of searching for a job (for the record, "Lo" is apparently dating your fellow Clippers fan Frankie Muniz). I wake up at 9am in the interest of being motivated like a real worker with the promise of landing a full-time job. Unfortunately, much of the day is spent emailing my friends about the promise of Syracuse Basketball backup center Daryl Watkins instead of emailing my George O’Leary-like embellished resume to prospective employers.

I should mention that this isn’t the first ESPN reality gig that I have tried out for, as I did in fact try out for the second season of Dream Job. Unfortunately, I sweated outside in the 90 degree Hollywood heat for four hours before being called in. Apparently the pit-stain look is not something that comes across well on camera. It probably didn’t help that I became Kenyon Martin during my Sportscenter monologue bit. However, I am proud of that fact that I aced the sports-trivia portion of the tryout, coming in first in my group of 50 applicants.

About me personally: I have worked in sports, most recently with the San Diego Padres in their front office, aspiring to be like April 1995's Employee of the Month, Theo Epstein. Count me in also as a New Englander who fled Boston for sunny California. Unfortunately, I prefer temperatures below 30 degrees and pasty, bitter, unattractive women so I moved back to the East Coast after the 2004 season. I live in New York City now and spend my time interviewing for sports jobs and performing Hall of Fame caliber temp work for unappreciative clients.

Finally, let’s be brutally frank. Wouldn’t it be better to have a 25 year old do this job? Someone clinging at the maximum age requirement, someone who will ambitiously search the internet for the best links, someone who will embrace the salary hand over fist, someone who can legally visit casinos, someone who calls 10am-2pm "prime-time". Or a college senior who hasn’t seen 10 a.m. since his freshman year? The choice is simple, Mr. Simmons- Me.

On the flip side, he put together a great O.C. vs 90210 tale of the tape that is worth your reading. You may also berate him about my glaring omission from his intern contest. (sigh, head droop)

Wednesday, February 09, 2005


"Smashed: The Story of a Drunken Girlhood"- the newest piece of work by another productive S.U. alumnus. Leave it to us to write about being Retired at 25 and binge drinking since age 14. They really have to work on the admissions criteria up there.

Natural Encounter

katie holmes, originally uploaded by blogjimmy.

Current Balance: $0.03
Available Balance: $0.03
Rate for messenger boy: $12/hour
Scheming to deliver goods to Katie Holmes at her apartment: Priceless

After a horrible day of roaming the streets of NYC delivering tickets for Fashion Week, I was finally rewarded with a special delivery. I was sent to deliver some duds from Vera Wang to Katie Holmes at her apartment. The people in charge strictly informed me that I was to leave the goods with her doorman and were not amused by my asking "Won't SHE want to meet me?". Unfortunately for them, there was a 0% chance I was leaving the gear with a doorman and not meet Katie Holmes. So I concocted a scheme to tell the doorman that she had to approve the clothes first before I left. I am smarter than anyone I know. Heart palpitating, I get by the doorman with relative ease and he points me to the elevator for her penthouse. Officially in, I get up to her apartment and ring her bell. There she was, in all of her natural glory to accept my delivery with a friendly hello and I answered with a hoarse, raspy "How are you?". If I recall incorrectly, she then asked me if I enjoyed chardonnay and soft music, to which I replied "Yes, and robes as well."

Although that last part only happened when I was sleeping, the rest of the story is true and she did give me a genuine smile and wishes for a great day. It should be noted for the record that Katie Holmes is Co's all time favorite Natural, even getting a #1 seed in Wass's old bracket if I remember correctly. I never gave her any credit due to her frankenstein eyes, but she was looking good today and will look good tonight again in my kleenex-filled dreams.

Monday, February 07, 2005

The Ever Popular Weekend Recap

Although I look like I have two black eyes due to lack of sleep and my spike is so freaking dry right now as I am still dehydrated, it is all worth it after the weekend just had. I would say that was easily the best weekend I've had since I've been in NYC and probably in the top 4 of the past calendar year, coming in slightly behind the weekend in which I watched the entire 27 hour set of Season 1 of the O.C.

It all began with a last minute visit to NYC from Boston by the inimitable H-Town. A veteran of all past Buckwheat shows, H called me at 7:15 that morning to tell me he was making the trek in honor of Bucker. Conrad came over after work and H arrived around 8pm and we boozed with Co like it was Braemore 2002 again. Typical wardrobe for Buck shows is full suit, in order to be the sharpest looking groupies for this 60 year old African American accordion wizard. Taking it a step further this year was the green Masters champion blazer I was rocking, Co in his 50's prom tux, and H in the lobster tie. For the record, H has passed the 250 lb mark and still sweats like me trying to talk to a female. Show was good, albeit a little short, but most striking was the fact that attractive women seemed to dig the Masters jacket. They may or may not have been lesbians now that I think about it, as they disappeared before I had a chance to even open my mouth. After that we were supposed to meet BJ and Shannon at his hotel in the bar downstairs. I called him no less than 14 times over the course of 30 minutes when we didn't see him in the bar and text messaged him at least 5 times. At this point the idea of "him in his room banging his girl since they're staying at a hotel over hanging out with myself, Co, and HTown" was impossible for me to comprehend and I continued to call. We are very drunk at this bar and for the first time in my life I intimidated some dude who insultled my coat. I am a huge pussy most of the time but this guy backed down like Freddie Mitchell in last night's game. He might have been 65 but no matter that. The three of us then proceeded to eat all of the cut up cocktail oranges and olives in huge handfuls. Tex even found remnants stashed in his coat pocket the following morning . Of course we ended our night on Third Ave (the dregs of the earth), wolfing down slice after slice of ziti pizza.

I spent Saturday in a daze, although very much motivated by the weather. I got some photos developed and am looking forward to uploading the famed photograph of the peanut butter and crouton masterpiece which should be submited for some type of art award. College Gameday made my morning as it was on location in CUSE, in the DOME, in preparation for 33,700 record setting fans to converge on the armpit of NY State. Some old big hitters from the high school days were in the city for the night and I luckily got to meet up with them before their concert. Gross, the Dog, and a dose of Trose were a welcome treat to begin my night. I hadn't seen Trose in a few years and he surprised me by not wearing his varsity basketball high tops as he usually does in any social setting, The Dog was well on his way to getting REAL loose early, and even some late night STEINBERG (sans Michael Jordan replica jersey). Good to catch up, but it was time to get ready for the birthday bash.

As I mentioned prior, nobody came to my Welcome to NYC party which was a huge emotional blow. I remained very sketpical of this second get together, and had prepared a quick abort list of bars to head to, if it was a complete disaster. It started out well on the way to my previous experience and I quickly began drinking heavily. In fact, I drank so much Budweiser this weekend that I am contemplating getting a Confederate flag tatooed on my back. To my surprise, the buzzer was constant throughout the night, even I had no idea who it was coming in. I should mention that the little lady that I have been seen out and about with lately was planning to come by with her roommates, so despite Anheuser-Busch's best efforts, I had to try and remain somewhat on my A Game. Since it was his birthday, BJ was the toast of celebration throughout the evening, and even showed up after dinner with a pronounced Thirty Yard Stare. I should've known this would be problematic later in the evening for my behalf, but I happily took the tequila down with him. Sure enough, 30-45 minutes later, with one of the best sets of friendly eyes I had seen in a while, it all came to a screeching halt. In front of virtually everyone at the party, the following interaction occurs:

BJ: (in one his patented "ho-hoooo" voices) JIMMY! Are these girls into Retired at 25 OR WHAT?!!!

BJ's rich.....but not smooth. Naturally they had no idea what he was talking about, since I try to leave that out of any conversastion to save any chance of leading a normal social life with women. I immediately chugged the rest of my beer. My next move was either drink everything in site and hope to blackout within the ensuing 45 seconds or embrace the Retired at 25 and try to explain that I do not spend all day online chatting with babes. As you know, the material on my site is not suited for impressing anyone so I had to wean them on with some of the PG-13 material like the Jersey story and the Welcome to NYC party story. Like a Chrismukkah miracle, they couldn't stop laughing and told me that I am soooo funny and should write for Curb Your Enthusiasm, which completely inflated my ego for the rest of the night and I think everyone wanted to be me. This just proves that being a blogger is the best way to impress women.

Oh yeah, and for the icing on the cake?

Friday, February 04, 2005

The Robe Party- Revisited

The much talked about Robe Party of 2003 has been remembered on Evonne's website, complete with photographic proof. I had no idea there were outstanding photos from this party, however you can all see Jimmy & Conrad sharing a tender moment in the loft, as well a great story about Co's frisky paws.

I am currently working on a Mac and have no idea how to make links or upload photos. I will clean this post up later for ease of use, but be sure to check out Evonne's site.

Thursday, February 03, 2005

Would You Rather- Alex or Summer?

Alex, originally uploaded by blogjimmy.

summer, originally uploaded by blogjimmy.